I'm back... but why do I keep on trying to escape?

After a long, long time, I'm back here.

I'm having some more free time, as a week ago I had my back surgery. After months of pain a a really complicated and painful last 20 days I finally have a relief and I am feeling very happy about it. I get emotional just thinking that the pain is gone... and at the same time I'm afraid it might come back.

But that's not the main reason I'm back. I thought it would be... that I would list here my first days after the surgery... but I need to " talk" about other things.

Why do I always try to escape? I'm demotivated a work, feeling a lot of pressure on things I know I should have been better and faster at doing... which I didn't and now it's coming back to bite me. Besides that, I'm not good emotionally. I had a bid disappointment back in march that has affected me a lot more that I could imagine and I am having a hard time letting this thoughts and negative emotions go.

So what do I do? I start looking at Paris... Looking for places to live there. Apartment rentals... Imagining what could I do somewhere else? My life wasn't perfect in Paris, but I cherish that time and whenever things seem not to be going that well, I feel like running away, escaping, leaving everything behind with the idea that somewhere else I would. be better, have other things to see, do... other life.

I'm sad. And I don't want to be. What should I do? revisit, overthink the reasons why I feel that way? Go to a pscycologist? talk to someone? Would that work? Or better to try to really leave things behind? " tocar o cargo" ?

Not sure what to do.... 

I just want to feel like myself again. When I left the surgery I was feeling so good without the pain. Things can go back on track. I need to focus. being myself is great... but I need to face and handle the things I've been " sitting on" for some time at work. I wasn't feelinng good. I was sad. It was not my fault that things got the way they are now. But now is the time to act and flip this. Make things better again. Feel god. Feel happy. 

Plan on things to do and how to do it. Document it here. 

Girl, do what you would tell your best friend to do. Actually DO IT. Take some time to get healthier. Focus you. On being happy. Lots of love coming my way :)

And stop letting Mr. E affect me. This is also something to work on.

So... focus areas:

1. Health - recover from surgery and plan to keep fit/ healthy

2. Emotions - manage (block as much as possible) negative influences

3. Work - Focus on now. What can I do from now on

Lets keep motivated and monitoring things....

:)