Not in a good mood

Affff

Feeling weird. 

Why is that now that I am fiscally better, I start being annoyed by the emotional stuff, getting frustrated with things at work...Why things can't be balanced and calm for some time, just for a change?

Maybe Im just having a bad day... following a few disappointments, few nights that I didn't sleep well because of the time change, the upcoming business trip that I'll have to a great place, but that I' ll be accompanied by my ex-affair and co-worker.

I should focus on the exciting things... things are moving at work.. it's just that they are not moving as fast as I expected and as I promised to my "clients" it would. Im also going to travel to Buenos Aires, where I was actually planning on taking a few vacation days to go and now im going on business and will be able to spend the weekend. I love the feeling of the city. It just seems that the old things that used to make my mood better when I was feeling blue the same time last year, they are not working now. How can I find new things... why don't I find comfort on the things that used to make me feel good before?

Hope its just a really bad day. I know it is, but I can't help it now. 

I have the feeling that I should be doing something different of my life. Go live in Paris if thats what I really want. 

The Universe is being so good to me, making things happen, I feel its time for me to focus and act on the things I want, that they will happen. But what do I want?

I like writing because it makes me think about things and while im writing I start figuring out things. I guess I already said it here before. But its true... the issue is that I think faster than I type and I don't want to miss my " findings". So... what am I thinking now? I know why Im a bit frustrated and in a bad mood. Guys! 

I like to think that I do what I want, and I actually do, that its ok to get involved with Snow, for example... But then when he disappears or when things don't work out as I expected, it makes me feel worst. On Sunday 86 (yes, 86) didn't talk to me (I know, there was just a slight chance we would get coffee, but he didn't talk to me), then Snow didn't see my message (im even thinking he might have blocked me) and then today, I was supposed to met with Project but it didn't happen. Besides having to see E every day. I shouldn't let guys influence my mood that way. So should I just give it a break? Try being absolutely alone for some time? Stop even the online conversations with my guy friends? 

I get tired sometimes. I want to have someone with me... to sit and watch tv, to sleep together, to talk for hours, cook together, hold hands. It feels good... Things will happen, I know. And when its the right guy I will not feel that im losing my freedom, suffocated. It will just be IT. But Im getting tired of not having IT, of being satisfied with the wrong things, ...

I should try to connect more with myself and figure out what I really want. Does anyone actually accomplish that? To clearly see what we want?

I'll try, for 30 days.

Delete the social media. Don't initiate any conversations. Speak less on an everyday basis. Be silent and see hat I can listen.

Just for 30 days. Breath, meditate, take my time to do things. 

November 19th... let's see how it goes.